(This should be shouted raucously after a few glasses to the music of Three Wise Men)

We three men from Waitrose, we are

Bringing your shopping, from afar

Things are tricky

Stan took a sicky

Delays of up to half an hour



Sauces are leaking out the box

The Ham is off and smells of socks

The Christmas Pudding isn’t good looking

But you still got the blinis and masses of lox.


We know that we are top of the heap

Essentials range are yummy to eat.

Avocados, sod the embargos

We even have some sugarless beets.



We’ve missed the Seville marmalade

Off your order, sorry to say.

Our cloves are spicy, parsnips pricey

The Oloroso won’t last the day.



What do you mean the butter won’t do?

It’s got black sea salt and cumin too

The honey has sunshine, goji and red wine

You haven’t got a chance in hell to sue.



I’ve had enough of it all today

I’ve tried my best to navigate

Your culinary leanings have no meanings

I’m off to the pub, will stay til’ May.