(This should be shouted raucously after a few glasses to the music of Three Wise Men)
We three men from Waitrose, we are
Bringing your shopping, from afar
Things are tricky
Stan took a sicky
Delays of up to half an hour
Sauces are leaking out the box
The Ham is off and smells of socks
The Christmas Pudding isn’t good looking
But you still got the blinis and masses of lox.
We know that we are top of the heap
Essentials range are yummy to eat.
Avocados, sod the embargos
We even have some sugarless beets.
We’ve missed the Seville marmalade
Off your order, sorry to say.
Our cloves are spicy, parsnips pricey
The Oloroso won’t last the day.
What do you mean the butter won’t do?
It’s got black sea salt and cumin too
The honey has sunshine, goji and red wine
You haven’t got a chance in hell to sue.
I’ve had enough of it all today
I’ve tried my best to navigate
Your culinary leanings have no meanings
I’m off to the pub, will stay til’ May.